Tuesday, October 30, 2012

On my Heart - Skipping College & Motherhood

I knew in 11th grade that college wasn't in my future. And it wasn't because I was a lazy student, in fact I took many advanced courses and maintained above a 4.0 in high school. It wasn't because I didn't have dreams for my life - I wanted to work in the music industry as a business executive most of my growing up. It's just, that I knew somehow, that college wasn't for me. So I chose to go to a year-long Christian internship called Teen Mania, and figure out God's plans for me.

While I was at Teen Mania I literally had the best job on earth, with the best boss on earth. I was Dave Hasz's assistant my third year there, and if you know Dave, then I don't have to say anything else for you to understand. During that time I fell in love with administrative work, found my niche, so to speak. I knew after leaving Teen Mania this was the kind of work I'd probably want to do.

Also while at TM, I had a mentor - Dave's mother, actually. This jewel of a woman opened my eyes to something my heart refused to acknowledge. There was more than just a "job" in my future, there was a life work, a purpose, far greater than any job out there.

Flash forward - I got married straight out of leaving Teen Mania...and had a baby 11 months later. Suddenly I understood what Dave's mother was saying all along. When I became a mother, I discovered my life work, and suddenly everything else seemed so dull in comparison. Every dream job I ever had before, seemed pointless. Administrative work - blah! All I want to do is be home, raising my baby (and in the future, whenever God gives them, more babies). In my eyes, there is no greater work to be done.

I'm sure there are many who cannot understand. And any women's right activist who may stumble upon this may want to scream at me. That's okay. I was there once. I couldn't understand why a woman would choose to stay at home with her babies after women have worked so hard in the past for the right to work.

Some days I struggle with the fact that I'm 23, never went to college, and have a baby. It's easy to feel judged in the eyes of the world. On the other hand, I'm learning to stand confident in God's plans - He really does know what he's doing. In my case, I'm thankful I don't have 4 years of college debt to deal with, knowing I'd never use that degree. This book I just read, Sparkly Green Earrings, the author, Melanie Shankle, addresses this topic. There's an unexplainable shift that happens to a woman when she becomes a mom. And it's OKAY to want nothing more than to raise your babies. Thank you, Melanie, thank you.

In the meantime, I'm grateful for the experience I got at Teen Mania that allows me to have a decent paying administrative job. But I pray every.single.day that God would bless Rob exceedingly abundantly all that we could ask or imagine, with a job that he loves and pays GOOD. And I believe that I'll get to do my life work soon, staying home with my little boy.

1 comment:

- Kailene said...

First of all, LOVE the new blog layout/format. It's so classy/elegant. Really, really like it. Second of all, I am ALL about living out the dreams that God places on your heart and NOT doing what the world deems as normal or expected or anything else. Amen.