Tuesday, October 23, 2012


Resting is not something I do well. And this past week I've been forced into rest, and when I'm forced to do something, well, to be honest it can kinda make me a bit grumpy. Anyone relate?

I came down with a little sinus infection last week, but I couldn't let it stop me from running. Not running meant I was lazy, and laziness would surely gain me ten pounds. So what happened after I ran? It made things worse. Two days later I felt alright, so I decided to run again. Well that backfired, and I ended up much worse and added a cold to the mix. All because my performance mentality couldn't take a break.

Finally, finally I gave in and took a break (and asked God to not let me gain ten pounds  heal me).

And the only reason I'm telling you all about how I'm sick is because there's a spiritual metaphor to all of this. It's good, I promise.

It's a little thing called Grace. A little thing that we are so far from understanding or wrapping our minds around. Several years ago I thought I'd experienced this "revelation" or understanding of grace. I began to scratch the surface at how often I'm performance minded, rather than grace minded. It was a beautiful thing to start living life the way God intended us to after Jesus died on the cross. And I was reminded this week through my sickness that there are still performance mentalities I'm enslaved to.

Side note, this isn't some biblical study on grace. If you have questions about the teachings in the bible about grace, feel free to ask me, and we can talk more :-)

In this case, I was bad and lazy for not running (even though I was sick, it didn't matter). I couldn't rest! It's not Sunday, it's just not biblical to rest any other time.

Seriously ya'll, please tell me I'm not the only one who has these thoughts?!

In the end, God just said Steph, I'm not keeping a score card on you, I want you to rest. You have been working really hard for your family, it's wearing you down, and I WANT you to rest, and sleep, and do nothing but sit in a chair and read for a while.

And I gave in. I rested. I listened to His voice, accepted His grace, and I feel so refreshed by His presence.

Psalm 4:8
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.


Amber Michelle said...

I can definitely relate, Steph. I think I have that same performance-based mentality sometimes. It's like my motives to do good become skewed and I start performing for others instead of God.

I'm glad you got some rest. Maybe I can get some soon! :)

- Kailene said...

Um, yes. I can definitely relate. Actually, I just got a new Women of Faith Bible Study in the mail yesterday called, "Living a Life of Balance," because I've been having such a hard time with THIS very concept. So hard. I'm thankful for His grace!

Jennifer Beard said...

I can TOTALLY relate. I've been scheduled on Sunday mornings at Starbucks for the past month. I really miss church. Last Sunday, our old youth pastor came back to preach on taking time to rest and the concept of a Sabbath. My husband was so concerned for how busy I am, he had me download the sermon & listen to it, and also asked me to request my availability change to no Sunday mornings. I'm also dropping a class with 6 weeks left in the semester. On the one hand, busyness is a comfort. On the other, it's so nice to have rest.