A Heart Trusting in Him

I wrote this on April 26th. The next day we got approved for our apartment. God answers a heart that fully trusts in Him!

The move is in less than 3 weeks and we have no definite apartment yet. But it's been that way for us since the very beginning. Before I initially moved up here last year, I didn't have a place to live until a few days prior. Then, before we got married, the place we would have lived in fell through and we were without a place to live, until a week before I came to Oklahoma for the wedding. It worked out other times, so I'm surprisingly not worried in the least bit. It will work out again.

God is great :-)

Here is a verse I read today from Psalm 107:4-9, and it really speaks hope to me and Rob. We've felt like we've been in this wilderness, and this isn't where we are supposed to dwell. It's been very, very difficult. Yet we've never ceased to cry out to the Lord, and He is answering us out of our distresses. He is leading us to our dwelling place. Truly, He satisfies the longing soul. Be encouraged today :-)

They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

Burning Frustration

Last night my husband and I did something way epic. Being up here in Canada our situation since we got married has been, well, less than par. I could name all our frustrations, but that would be pointless and probably just make you focus on all the negative things in your own life.

More and more lately we've both been getting upset at all these little frustrations. And I mean, we pray, we talk about things, we acknowledge our pain and present it to the Lord, we try to focus on all the blessings. But I guess you get to a point where you just gotta do something dramatic.

So last night on a piece of paper we wrote down everything we were frustrated with. Everything. Including 'small' things such as our toilet only works 35% of the time. We got it all out, we prayed together, then we went outside and burned that sucker to smithereens! And we stomped it into the dust, then we kicked the dust around. Meanwhile our dog was outside with us looking confused and concerned at our little antics.

I've never been one to let little negative things affect my situation. This has been different and difficult for both of us to deal with. But we're tired of letting satan win! I think we both feel a sense of freedom today.

Running on Impulse Decisions

I made a bit of an impulse decision a few days ago. I was watching the Boston Marathon on TV, and I was just ITCHING to run. Before I got pregnant I was in the process to begin training for another half marathon. I was just starting to build up my long distance runs, but since becoming pregnant, I've dramatically cut back, only running about a half mile every other day. My incredible, strong, and persevering husband has continued training on his own, and I've been jealous! So here's what I did.

My doc up here said that since I was a runner beforehand, I'd still be safe to run, but probably should cut back. I kept that in mind. And I did a little more research, and read countless stories of women who continued to run 6, 7, even 8 months into pregnancy! And their babies all were perfectly healthy.

I've missed the highs I get from running. And that's why it felt sooooo good to run 2 miles yesterday! It feels like having part of my life back. And it's going to feel even better to run the Toronto 5K on May 15th while my husband is out running the half marathon :-) Believe me, if I was allowed to run the half, I'd be running it! But I am excited nonetheless.

See you all at the finish line, when I've finished running on my impulse decision :-)

Anticipating Moving

Today, like many days, all I can think about is moving to Texas...in just over a month! While we're both excited, the financial part of moving your life 1500 miles away is overwhelming. My dad is graciously driving his car up here and we will be renting a small U-Haul trailer to hitch onto his car. This is the only thing we can afford, and we still couldn't do it without my dad's help. Due to this small trailer, we're having to leave some of the bigger (and unfortunately more expensive) things behind. Like our couch, possibly kitchen table and chairs, and the dresser in our bedroom. I know, though, that God will provide for us when we get to Texas. He always has provided. We are in the final stages of securing an apartment, just waiting for all the paperwork to go through. We can't WAIT to have a place to finally call ours. Yes, it's still rented, but it's not a 'halfway house' like the two we've been in since we got married. In my spare time today I've been putting together a list of the items we are taking with us, to get an idea of how everything will fit in the trailer. Did I mention I can't wait for this?!

Little Things That Bring Me Joy

Today I've been married for as long as we spent engaged...5 months! These 5 months have gone by soooo much faster.

Bright orange fresh flowers in the apartment on a gray and rainy day.

My puppy going into psycho mode and running around all crazy for no reason.

My puppy barks like crazy whenever Rob hugs me. The little tike is so protective of his pregnant mommy.

My husband is so willing to do anything for me at the drop of a hat. It's just who he is.

The way my puppy gets so excited when we come home that he'll get his bone in his mouth (his comfort object) and come bark/howl at us with it in his mouth.

My husband tells me every day how beautiful I am and that he loves me.

My husband enjoys taking care of the dishes so I don't have to. Yeah, be jealous.

A girl at the gym today, whom I might add is super in shape, pointed me out to another person and told them to do the cardio routine I'm doing, because it's clearly doing me good. Hellloooo self esteem boost!

Despite only having one part time job between the two of us for 3 months now, God has taken care of us in such an overwhelming and unexplainable way.

God truly cares about the desires of our hearts! When we ask Him to give us His desires, they become our desires, and He likes to honor that.

These were just a few of the things I was thinking about today :-)

Post Wedding Blues? Part Two

I read an article this weekend on Focus on the Family's website that talked about 'Post-Wedding Blues.' http://www.focusonthefamily.ca/marriage/first-five-years/something-blue

This made so much sense! For so long I've wondered what the heck is wrong with me?! I just got married to man of my dreams, this is supposed to be the most blissful season of my life, so why hasn't it been? My gracious husband read the article as well, and rather than judging me, or wondering if he did something wrong to make me feel this way, he understood me.

...And I have a huntch that I'm not alone. I don't think this is a popular topic, probably because no new bride wants to say to her husband that she's even remotely unhappy. And she probably can't understand the source of her lack of joy either. But for any new bride that happens to read this and has experienced these things, I want you to know you are not alone. It's very real to experience sadness, especially if you've moved to a new city, new state, or a new country and left friends and family behind. It is such a vulnerable place to be where the enemy just spews lies at you. But remember, God gave you this man, He arranged this beautiful marriage, nothing about it was a mistake.

You probably know that the Bible calls us to "leave and cleave" when we marry. We are to leave our families, and cleave to our husbands. This means that the role of spiritual authority and leader no longer belongs to our fathers, but to our husbands. I understand all this, and I see now how I probably needed this isolation from all things familiar to learn to let my husband have that role in my life. It's taken the difficult times to build this strong foundation. We are about to move back to Texas, close to family, close to our friends. And while neither of us can WAIT any longer, we can't wait to spend time with these people again, we know now how to put each other first. We value putting each other first, and I'm confident this foundation can't be shaken.

Post Wedding Blues? Part One

The past several days the sun has been shining, it's been warming up (the lake has finally completely thawed), and I feel like a whole new refreshed person. It's amazing that a little warmth and sunshine can completely boost your mood! It's got me to thinking a bit, and it's led to some interesting conversations between me and the Mr.

::warning - very real emotion ahead::

Just a few short weeks after our honeymoon, reality began to set in for me. I had permanently just moved to another country, I left everything familiar behind, traded warmth and sunshine for cold and snow. And rather than the blissful season of being a newlywed, I began to go through depression. It was an awful, unexplainable, and confusing time. So I got off birth control, I was convinced it was the source of my depression (and I still believe it was partly to blame), and within a few days I felt like myself again. But not for long.

At the end of December Rob and I flew to Georgia for my best friend's wedding. It was warm, we were with friends again, it was wonderful. After returning, depression began to hit me again. It's something I have to work through often. Many tears have been shed, many times I've been on my knees crying out to God, and there are many moments each day that I choose to say "Satan, you will not win today!"

So the spike in my mood these warm sunny days has definitely caused me to do some thinking. Would our situation have been different had we not been in podunk Lindsay? What if we had all these things figured out concerning the future before we got married, would I have gone through depression had we been in Texas right away? Part of me thinks I wouldn't have, and yet another part of me knows this is what God knew was best for us. These trials, the uncertainty, the difficulty, the lonliness, has brought us SO CLOSE to each other, and deepened our relationship with God in ways that the easy road could not have done.