Life Changes in an Instant

Congratulations to one of my closest and most dear friends, Brittney Bumbalough and her husband Brad on Joseph's arrival! This is what you guys have dreamed of and wanted all along, and I am so happy that this day finally came.

Joseph being born has stirred so much in my heart, I'm not sure it can even be put accurately into words. Suddenly everyone is saying to me, Oh steph you're next, Josiah will be here so soon! (And he will - just look at me! I'm finally looking pregnant, only 12 weeks left to go in this thing)

And quite frankly it makes me panic a bit.

After I found out he was born yesterday, I walked outside with Boss. And cried. A lot. Cried because I was happy for them, cried because I'm afraid and not ready to be a mom myself. Cried to God and told Him he was out of his mind for letting me get pregnant so soon. Cried because I'm not one of those women who is thrilled at the idea of having a child, and wondering if that's going to reflect on my ability to love this child.

Have I mentioned I'm pregnant and my emotions are a little out of control at times?

I think God appreciates our honesty with Him. We weren't made to be able to keep it all together and do everything on our own. We were made to abide in Him, and depend on Him. I understand this more as I come to more desperate places in my life. And I cry to God, tell him my frustrations, my fears, and I lay it all before Him. I'm always filled with peace when I come to God with a broken and humble spirit.

I still may not understand God's ways and His timing with things, but my broken and humble heart will continue to come and sit at His feet. I'm believing for a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:19).