Top 10 Summary of 2010

This time a year ago I never could have imagined all that God would do in the year 2010. This exact time last year I was headed back to the HA, absolutely not wanting to go back. I had just said goodbye to Rob again and was facing a 3 months separation from him (I have so much compassion for military families - I truly do not know how they do it and respect them so much for such sacrifice). I say all the things below to bring honor to God; I'm amazed looking back at this year at all that He allowed me to do. A huge message I carried to the girls I was a house director for was making the most of the time we have. I didn't want to sit around missing Rob all the time and looking forward to the next thing. There will always be a "next thing" to look forward to, but I challenged them, and myself, to make the most of each day. And praise God for the grace he gave, and the beautiful memories I carry in my heart now as a result of it.

So my top 10 summary of 2010:

1. Worked for Dave Hasz...enough said :-)

2. Started off the year with a 90 day bible reading plan

3. Completed the Dallas Half Marathon

4. Two weeks later, completed the Oklahoma City Half Marathon

5. Finished my first year of college

6. Got engaged on June 12th

7. Got to be a part of 9 amazing women's lives at the Honor Academy

8. Graduated and left the Honor Academy after 3 years

9. Moved to Canada on August 30th

10. Married the love of my life on November 13th

I truly can't believe all that happened last year. It was incredible, it was blissful, it was extremely difficult and challenging, but it was the best! Tough times and trials are a part of life, a part of the growing process in our walks with God, but I trust God's word that He has good plans for our lives. That said - I can't even fathom what's in store for 2011 :-)

It's Okay to Seek Him with Desperation

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

According to a commentary on this text, implied in these passages is a quest for God that includes a level of intensity beyond what might be termed ordinary prayer. "Search" and "with all your heart" suggests an earnestness of desperation. It's a close pursuit of a desired objective. It also implies diligence in the searching process - "seek" after Him - God's emphasis on intensity and diligence in prayer.

We're told that we're selfish if we pray a whole lot for ourselves. Which I think is true, to a line. This text seems to say something else. Here it says God has PLANS to give us a future and a hope. Then right after that he says, seek me, you will find me, pray, I will listen. You don't seek something you already have, right? So I think this is saying that if I don't know what God's PLANS are, it's okay to seek him out about it. And apparently, it's okay to desperately seek him out. Like, hey God, I know you said you have good plans, but I don't really know what they are yet, and I really need some direction here. It's okay to cry out to him, to ask in earnest, and then expect him to answer! He says he will listen to you, and you will find what you're searching for.

Are you in need of God's direction for your life? Desperately cry out to him, pray to him, seek him. It's okay, don't feel guilty. He wants you to come to him, and he desires that you know the good plans he has for your life.

Psalm 21:1-7, the New Stephanie Version

(Stephanie) shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord; and in Your salvation how greatly shall (she) rejoice!

You have given (Stephanie) (her) heart's desire, and have not withheld the request of (her) lips.

For You meet (her) with the blessings of goodness; You set a crown of pure gold upon (her) head.

(She) asked life from You, and You gave it to (her) - length of days forever and ever.

(Her) glory is great in Your salvation; honor and majesty You have placed upon (her).

For You have made (her) most blessed forever; You have made (her) exceedingly glad with Your presence.

For (Stephanie) trusts in the Lord. And through the mercy of the Most High (she) shall not be moved.

Lately I've found myself doing a TON of journaling. It's probably because I have 3 hours to sit in the teacher's lounge at Jessica's school while she is there (yes, that's my job by the way...I'm a contract worker for a 13 year old foster girl). Side note - last year, or well, all of my time at Teen Mania I never felt like I had enough time in my day to devote just to spending with God. Now I have 3 hours every morning. It's awesome!

Anyways, so there have been MANY things God has been teaching and showing me (and Rob!) here recently. Shandi Bradley, my Graduate Intern year, always told me to speak up more often about what God was showing me, so here I am to share some things :-)

The past few weeks I've been in a situation that caused true and raw desperation for God. There were things going on that I didn't understand, were far out of my control, and it was, well, quite difficult. This situation made me SO eager for God's word, to know what He said, to know His heart, to search out His promises. I like that place of desperation, of knowing how much I need God. I think I get too comfortable too quickly, forget too soon, become unthankful. Or it's not necessarily that I'm unthankful, but I take things for granted and forget to thank God. For example, I was sick after we got back from our honeymoon. But I got better (and gosh, don't we all know that we are so thankful for good health after we've been sick!)...then it's like, after that I forgot all about it, I took my good health for granted. Pride set in, I said "I'm not sick, I've already been sick so it won't happen again." (I think I said that yesterday to myself actually). Haha and WHAM! I woke up this morning sick with some kind of awful sinus thing. Funny isn't it? But thank you God, for reminding me once again that I need you, that all goodness comes from you. Thank you for good health, for being everything that I need. Thank you for Your good plans and Your faithfulness. Blessed is he who hungers and thirsts for righteousness, for he shall be filled.

And nearly 4 months later...

1. I moved to Canada 3 months ago. The canadian border people didn't like me, denied me entry, I believed it was God's will for me to be in Canada, I tried again, and made it safely across. Hurray!

2. I got married nearly 3 weeks ago. Best. Thing. Ever. I am so unbelievably happy and blessed!

3. Some friends of our got married 2 months ago.

4. Another friend is getting married in 1 month.

5. Canada is cold, there are dirt roads everywhere, temperatures in celsius, distance in kilometers, gasoline in liters (or spelled the canadian way, kilometres and litres) at the equivalent of $4 per gallon.

6. AKA life is very different.

7. I have a kitchen to myself for the first time ever. I really enjoy cooking now that I don't have to share a kitchen with 15 other people.

8. I'm addicted to Criminal Minds.

9. Rob and I are addicted to The Amazing Race and Survivor...and each other :-)

10. I'm overwhelmed by God's grace, His goodness and His kindness. I'm blessed beyond anything I could imagine and I deserve none of it. I'm 21 years old, passionately following Jesus Christ, had my life changed in podunk east Texas, and I'm married to the most wonderful man I've ever known.

Was It Really A Year Ago?

<---This pic was taken at graduation last year - can you see the lack of enthusiasm in our faces?!

This time a year ago I was counting down the days until Rob would leave, and thus would begin a year of long distance in our relationship. Now, I'm less than a month away from moving to Canada to be with him, and I'm bittersweetly counting down the days to this year's graduation.

This year has certainly had some hardships, but it's been full of many blessings as well. Our relationship has grown stronger and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined, and we see now that God definitely had us in these two separate places for a purpose. I'm going to miss Teen Mania a great deal - my life has changed in such a dramatic way and I've been blessed beyond anything I ever deserved.

Soon, this blog will be full with the adventures that lay ahead - the transition out of Teen Mania, the move to Canada, getting maaarrrried, and all the stuff in between. I'm excited to see what God has in store :-)

A Modern Parable of the Sower

About a year ago a young servant girl was entrusted with many little seeds that, if well-tended, would turn into succulent, juicy fruit. She couldn’t wait to share this precious gift with the other servant girls she was surrounded by. She couldn’t give them all the seeds at once because they grew at different times, so over the course of a year she slowly offered the girls different seeds.

Some of them, after seeds were offered, left them sitting on the kitchen counter and immediately the cleaning crew came along and threw them away.

Others immediately received the seeds, but when the seeds didn’t grow right away, they threw them back at the girl and accused her of offering bad seeds.

Then others who received the seeds went quickly and planted them. Yet stress, worry, distractions, and desires for other things became their focus and the seeds never got watered. They assumed that someone else would water it, or that the rain would be enough. At the end of the year they went to collect their fruit and what was there was blackened and rotten, and could not be eaten.

But yet the others took every seed offered and took great care of them. At the end of the year they collected a basketful of the most colorful, large, beautiful, and exotic fruit the eye had ever seen.

*****************************

I am that young servant girl, who, almost a year ago was so excited to become a house director for MA women. It's hard to believe it's been that long and my time is almost over with them. Leading those women is one of the most beautiful gifts I've been given and I love each of them dearly. Even while there have been tough seasons, I'm going to miss them a great deal. And I can only trust God that the seeds He's given me, that I have in turn given them, will turn into good fruit at the end.

They have grown to love God deeply this year, and they know that they are loved deeply by God. Those girls have changed me and they have blessed me, and I pray that they would continue on this lifelong journey of Selflessness, of surrendering and loving deeply, of walking in the fullness of God's grace.

~Your "Fearless House Director"