When Plan B becomes Plan A

I could name this post so many things; "Thoughts on Being Pregnant"; "Expecting the Unexpected"; "My Plans vs. God's Plans"; etc. They all seem to fit perfectly.

Never did I imagine dating, falling in love with, and marrying a Canadian. Never did I imagine getting married at 21. Never did I imagine moving to Canada, away from all of my family. Never did I imagine getting pregnant after just 3 months of marriage either.

You see I had it all planned out. Go to the Honor Academy for a year or two, go to Nashville, go to college, get a degree in music business, get settled in a career, meet a man in the music business, get married, have kids after a few years.

It's been one unexpected change after another. Sometimes it's frightening, when you can't see ANY of the road ahead, and all you have is God's word that He has good plans. But everything that's been unexpected up to this point, has been the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I'm SO glad I'm not going to college in Nashville right now. There would be no Rob in my life, none of the thrills I've experienced living in a different country with him. So what, we got pregnant, well, a few years earlier than planned, but this is what happens when God takes over my own plans. I've heard from people we should have slowed down, enjoyed life with just the two of us, you'll never get this time back. Well, tell that one to God. I'm not the one in charge here :-) It's amazing how in just two little weeks, my entire opinion, attitude, and outlook on this thing has totally changed.

I knew I was called to be a mom, at least one day. It's what I wanted. So here's how I look at it: when God reveals a calling to someone, say for a man to be a musician, what is that man going to do? He's gonna go after that calling! He's going to perfect his instrument, he's going to look for places to play, he's going to try and organize a band, record a demo, and do everything in his power to walk out in the calling God's placed on him. He's not going to sit around doing nothing, hoping this whole musician thing will work itself out. What a blessing that I've been called to be a mom, God has CHOSEN me and Rob to raise this child He is forming in me. It's a miracle, it's a privilege, it's a blessing. I'm so glad that God's plans are better than my plans.

If every unexpected thing in my life up to this point has been the greatest blessing, I can only imagine that this little unexpected baby is going to be the greatest joy I could ever imagine.

Top 10 Summary of 2010

This time a year ago I never could have imagined all that God would do in the year 2010. This exact time last year I was headed back to the HA, absolutely not wanting to go back. I had just said goodbye to Rob again and was facing a 3 months separation from him (I have so much compassion for military families - I truly do not know how they do it and respect them so much for such sacrifice). I say all the things below to bring honor to God; I'm amazed looking back at this year at all that He allowed me to do. A huge message I carried to the girls I was a house director for was making the most of the time we have. I didn't want to sit around missing Rob all the time and looking forward to the next thing. There will always be a "next thing" to look forward to, but I challenged them, and myself, to make the most of each day. And praise God for the grace he gave, and the beautiful memories I carry in my heart now as a result of it.

So my top 10 summary of 2010:

1. Worked for Dave Hasz...enough said :-)

2. Started off the year with a 90 day bible reading plan

3. Completed the Dallas Half Marathon

4. Two weeks later, completed the Oklahoma City Half Marathon

5. Finished my first year of college

6. Got engaged on June 12th

7. Got to be a part of 9 amazing women's lives at the Honor Academy

8. Graduated and left the Honor Academy after 3 years

9. Moved to Canada on August 30th

10. Married the love of my life on November 13th

I truly can't believe all that happened last year. It was incredible, it was blissful, it was extremely difficult and challenging, but it was the best! Tough times and trials are a part of life, a part of the growing process in our walks with God, but I trust God's word that He has good plans for our lives. That said - I can't even fathom what's in store for 2011 :-)

It's Okay to Seek Him with Desperation

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

According to a commentary on this text, implied in these passages is a quest for God that includes a level of intensity beyond what might be termed ordinary prayer. "Search" and "with all your heart" suggests an earnestness of desperation. It's a close pursuit of a desired objective. It also implies diligence in the searching process - "seek" after Him - God's emphasis on intensity and diligence in prayer.

We're told that we're selfish if we pray a whole lot for ourselves. Which I think is true, to a line. This text seems to say something else. Here it says God has PLANS to give us a future and a hope. Then right after that he says, seek me, you will find me, pray, I will listen. You don't seek something you already have, right? So I think this is saying that if I don't know what God's PLANS are, it's okay to seek him out about it. And apparently, it's okay to desperately seek him out. Like, hey God, I know you said you have good plans, but I don't really know what they are yet, and I really need some direction here. It's okay to cry out to him, to ask in earnest, and then expect him to answer! He says he will listen to you, and you will find what you're searching for.

Are you in need of God's direction for your life? Desperately cry out to him, pray to him, seek him. It's okay, don't feel guilty. He wants you to come to him, and he desires that you know the good plans he has for your life.

Psalm 21:1-7, the New Stephanie Version

(Stephanie) shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord; and in Your salvation how greatly shall (she) rejoice!

You have given (Stephanie) (her) heart's desire, and have not withheld the request of (her) lips.

For You meet (her) with the blessings of goodness; You set a crown of pure gold upon (her) head.

(She) asked life from You, and You gave it to (her) - length of days forever and ever.

(Her) glory is great in Your salvation; honor and majesty You have placed upon (her).

For You have made (her) most blessed forever; You have made (her) exceedingly glad with Your presence.

For (Stephanie) trusts in the Lord. And through the mercy of the Most High (she) shall not be moved.

Lately I've found myself doing a TON of journaling. It's probably because I have 3 hours to sit in the teacher's lounge at Jessica's school while she is there (yes, that's my job by the way...I'm a contract worker for a 13 year old foster girl). Side note - last year, or well, all of my time at Teen Mania I never felt like I had enough time in my day to devote just to spending with God. Now I have 3 hours every morning. It's awesome!

Anyways, so there have been MANY things God has been teaching and showing me (and Rob!) here recently. Shandi Bradley, my Graduate Intern year, always told me to speak up more often about what God was showing me, so here I am to share some things :-)

The past few weeks I've been in a situation that caused true and raw desperation for God. There were things going on that I didn't understand, were far out of my control, and it was, well, quite difficult. This situation made me SO eager for God's word, to know what He said, to know His heart, to search out His promises. I like that place of desperation, of knowing how much I need God. I think I get too comfortable too quickly, forget too soon, become unthankful. Or it's not necessarily that I'm unthankful, but I take things for granted and forget to thank God. For example, I was sick after we got back from our honeymoon. But I got better (and gosh, don't we all know that we are so thankful for good health after we've been sick!)...then it's like, after that I forgot all about it, I took my good health for granted. Pride set in, I said "I'm not sick, I've already been sick so it won't happen again." (I think I said that yesterday to myself actually). Haha and WHAM! I woke up this morning sick with some kind of awful sinus thing. Funny isn't it? But thank you God, for reminding me once again that I need you, that all goodness comes from you. Thank you for good health, for being everything that I need. Thank you for Your good plans and Your faithfulness. Blessed is he who hungers and thirsts for righteousness, for he shall be filled.

And nearly 4 months later...

1. I moved to Canada 3 months ago. The canadian border people didn't like me, denied me entry, I believed it was God's will for me to be in Canada, I tried again, and made it safely across. Hurray!

2. I got married nearly 3 weeks ago. Best. Thing. Ever. I am so unbelievably happy and blessed!

3. Some friends of our got married 2 months ago.

4. Another friend is getting married in 1 month.

5. Canada is cold, there are dirt roads everywhere, temperatures in celsius, distance in kilometers, gasoline in liters (or spelled the canadian way, kilometres and litres) at the equivalent of $4 per gallon.

6. AKA life is very different.

7. I have a kitchen to myself for the first time ever. I really enjoy cooking now that I don't have to share a kitchen with 15 other people.

8. I'm addicted to Criminal Minds.

9. Rob and I are addicted to The Amazing Race and Survivor...and each other :-)

10. I'm overwhelmed by God's grace, His goodness and His kindness. I'm blessed beyond anything I could imagine and I deserve none of it. I'm 21 years old, passionately following Jesus Christ, had my life changed in podunk east Texas, and I'm married to the most wonderful man I've ever known.

Was It Really A Year Ago?

<---This pic was taken at graduation last year - can you see the lack of enthusiasm in our faces?!

This time a year ago I was counting down the days until Rob would leave, and thus would begin a year of long distance in our relationship. Now, I'm less than a month away from moving to Canada to be with him, and I'm bittersweetly counting down the days to this year's graduation.

This year has certainly had some hardships, but it's been full of many blessings as well. Our relationship has grown stronger and more beautiful than we ever could have imagined, and we see now that God definitely had us in these two separate places for a purpose. I'm going to miss Teen Mania a great deal - my life has changed in such a dramatic way and I've been blessed beyond anything I ever deserved.

Soon, this blog will be full with the adventures that lay ahead - the transition out of Teen Mania, the move to Canada, getting maaarrrried, and all the stuff in between. I'm excited to see what God has in store :-)