Thursday, June 23, 2011

Who I Am...On A Different Day

Yesterday I posted this creative picture to define who I am.

What I failed to mention is that it changes every day. Or every other day. Or every few hours.

Admittedly, many days I am excited about this whole baby thing. And other days, like today, I'm overwhelmed and afraid.

I'm doing so much reading lately on "mommyhood" and learning as much as I possibly can. I even found a website that's dedicated solely to baby blogs - mom and dads on the parenthood journey.

In so many ways I still feel like a little kid myself. I still remember being a 7 year old girl playing "wedding" and "baby" with my friends in the neighborhood. I still remember riding a little pink bicycle down the street with daddy standing at the end of the driveway watching me. It's still vivid, the days of playing ball with daddy in the front yard, and countless hours of him teaching me to be a better softball pitcher.

And now here I am. Soon to be mommy. That word is so frightening sometimes. I'm so not ready for this. But then again, I guess no one is ever really ready for that first child, no matter what their age is.

Can any other moms out there relate to how I'm feeling?! Please just tell me I'm not alone and I'm not a horrible person for being totally frightened rather than elated with great joy!


Amescha said...

Oh girl, you are soooo not alone. We all have good days and bad days, and just remember all that "mommyhood" reading doesn't teach you everything. Parenting also comes from experience. I was terrified when I had Jadyn, and the first few days were extremely overwhelming. There was a lot of different emotions stirring inside me and I cried A LOT! You'll get through with God's help! Just trust in him that he'll guide you along the way. Being a parent isn't always easy, but it's a rewarding and joyous job. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Stephanie!
You are definitely not alone! I just had baby # 2 in March and it still scares me and I am asking myself some days..what was I thinking, am I really cut out for this?! But I look at my kids and see how great they are doing and it reassures me that I am doing a good job!

Renee said...

Hi Stephanie,
You're not alone. Parenthood will likely be the biggest, scariest thing you will ever do. Maria just turned seven, which means I've been practicing motherhood for seven years and I still very often feel like I'm "so not ready for this." But, like any challenge we face, God is faithful and his grace is sufficient. And there will be many times when parenting isn't a scary and daunting task - and it becomes easier to see that it's the biggest, most joyful and meaningful work you'll likely ever do.
Grace and peace to you!