Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Am...

.a dreamer.
I look into the black and white haze of life, into the sight of endless wilderness, and I see the formation of life. I see the youth of unborn dreams, and imagine the vibrancy of the sunrise on the horizon.

.a believer.
dry dust sitting lifeless upon the earth, I am awakened by the rushing water, lost, unknown, alone. I am awakened by grace. Grace, believing with new eyes, and a new heart beating.

.a momma.
thump. thump. kick. one cell, two cells, a mysterious, unexplainable, microscopic collision begetting life. thump. thump. kick; my ever-present reminder that the very hands of God Himself are physically at work inside of me.

only in the womb, Josiah's days are numbered. every hair follicle is known, every little line on each fingertip has been uniquely drawn. Josiah is being knit together by the master craftsman. And I have been chosen to be his momma. simply. amazed.

a large canvas. 22 years of work have been put into creating my canvas. there are bits and pieces filled in and painted, yet much of it remains blank. my need to know everything self tries so hard to distinguish the picture being painted, and I come up with so many answers of what it is becoming. But the final picture is impossible to see yet, and I can only trust God that it is in progress, it is becoming, it will be finished. I am becoming, and coming alongside my sweet heavenly Father for the ride.

.a wife.
a solitary heart, satisfied, yet yearning to love and be loved, caught up into another solitary heart. no longer my own, but carefully and delicately embracing the two becoming one. in giving, I am nourished, in loving, I am loved, in knowing, I am known. Beauty made remarkably magnificent.

.a child.
naivete, trust, dancing in the rainstorm that a well-mannered adult takes cover from. no fear of troubles that may come, just knowing Daddy said He'd be there for me. He'd take care of me. Often a million miles away from this child of yesterday, yet eagerly peering into the eyes of photographs left behind, learning to be that child again.

.i am a heart that is reawakening. i have been the frozen northern tundra; i have been bleak, cold, and without hope or the promise of warmth. change is upon me, the kind of change not feared, but welcomed. the sun's rays have begun to melt away the cold ache beneath my soul. the circumstance still one of great unknown, but my heart trusts in the Great I AM.

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