That's a long time to be pregnant, to adjust your life and diet to being pregnant, and feel completely disconnected.
That's the place I've been in. Being in Canada, I couldn't get any medical care. So I never got the opportunity for that early ultrasound to SEE the evidence. I never had morning sickness, I can still run and do all the exercise I was doing before. Just no more margaritas, and a few other minor adjustments. So for 15 weeks and 5 days I've been emotional and I've been growing out of my clothes, and it's felt like for no good reason.
Rob's family doctor graciously allowed us to make an appointment to come in and hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday. I've been praying and asking God to change my heart, change the way I'm viewing this, let me be excited, have some sort of connection!
So I laid there with Rob next to me, and she put the Doppler up to my belly, and immediately we heard a strong, fast drumming. Our baby's heartbeat! We also heard 'swooshing' noises, which the doctor said was the baby moving around! And it was like my own heart began to dance to the beat of this new drum. There really was another life growing inside of me, and a transformation happened in me. I can't stop thinking about that sound. I can't stop touching my belly! After 15 weeks and 5 days, a miracle has happened in my heart.