Running on Impulse Decisions

I made a bit of an impulse decision a few days ago. I was watching the Boston Marathon on TV, and I was just ITCHING to run. Before I got pregnant I was in the process to begin training for another half marathon. I was just starting to build up my long distance runs, but since becoming pregnant, I've dramatically cut back, only running about a half mile every other day. My incredible, strong, and persevering husband has continued training on his own, and I've been jealous! So here's what I did.

My doc up here said that since I was a runner beforehand, I'd still be safe to run, but probably should cut back. I kept that in mind. And I did a little more research, and read countless stories of women who continued to run 6, 7, even 8 months into pregnancy! And their babies all were perfectly healthy.

I've missed the highs I get from running. And that's why it felt sooooo good to run 2 miles yesterday! It feels like having part of my life back. And it's going to feel even better to run the Toronto 5K on May 15th while my husband is out running the half marathon :-) Believe me, if I was allowed to run the half, I'd be running it! But I am excited nonetheless.

See you all at the finish line, when I've finished running on my impulse decision :-)

Anticipating Moving

Today, like many days, all I can think about is moving to Texas...in just over a month! While we're both excited, the financial part of moving your life 1500 miles away is overwhelming. My dad is graciously driving his car up here and we will be renting a small U-Haul trailer to hitch onto his car. This is the only thing we can afford, and we still couldn't do it without my dad's help. Due to this small trailer, we're having to leave some of the bigger (and unfortunately more expensive) things behind. Like our couch, possibly kitchen table and chairs, and the dresser in our bedroom. I know, though, that God will provide for us when we get to Texas. He always has provided. We are in the final stages of securing an apartment, just waiting for all the paperwork to go through. We can't WAIT to have a place to finally call ours. Yes, it's still rented, but it's not a 'halfway house' like the two we've been in since we got married. In my spare time today I've been putting together a list of the items we are taking with us, to get an idea of how everything will fit in the trailer. Did I mention I can't wait for this?!

Little Things That Bring Me Joy

Today I've been married for as long as we spent engaged...5 months! These 5 months have gone by soooo much faster.

Bright orange fresh flowers in the apartment on a gray and rainy day.

My puppy going into psycho mode and running around all crazy for no reason.

My puppy barks like crazy whenever Rob hugs me. The little tike is so protective of his pregnant mommy.

My husband is so willing to do anything for me at the drop of a hat. It's just who he is.

The way my puppy gets so excited when we come home that he'll get his bone in his mouth (his comfort object) and come bark/howl at us with it in his mouth.

My husband tells me every day how beautiful I am and that he loves me.

My husband enjoys taking care of the dishes so I don't have to. Yeah, be jealous.

A girl at the gym today, whom I might add is super in shape, pointed me out to another person and told them to do the cardio routine I'm doing, because it's clearly doing me good. Hellloooo self esteem boost!

Despite only having one part time job between the two of us for 3 months now, God has taken care of us in such an overwhelming and unexplainable way.

God truly cares about the desires of our hearts! When we ask Him to give us His desires, they become our desires, and He likes to honor that.

These were just a few of the things I was thinking about today :-)

Post Wedding Blues? Part Two

I read an article this weekend on Focus on the Family's website that talked about 'Post-Wedding Blues.' http://www.focusonthefamily.ca/marriage/first-five-years/something-blue

This made so much sense! For so long I've wondered what the heck is wrong with me?! I just got married to man of my dreams, this is supposed to be the most blissful season of my life, so why hasn't it been? My gracious husband read the article as well, and rather than judging me, or wondering if he did something wrong to make me feel this way, he understood me.

...And I have a huntch that I'm not alone. I don't think this is a popular topic, probably because no new bride wants to say to her husband that she's even remotely unhappy. And she probably can't understand the source of her lack of joy either. But for any new bride that happens to read this and has experienced these things, I want you to know you are not alone. It's very real to experience sadness, especially if you've moved to a new city, new state, or a new country and left friends and family behind. It is such a vulnerable place to be where the enemy just spews lies at you. But remember, God gave you this man, He arranged this beautiful marriage, nothing about it was a mistake.

You probably know that the Bible calls us to "leave and cleave" when we marry. We are to leave our families, and cleave to our husbands. This means that the role of spiritual authority and leader no longer belongs to our fathers, but to our husbands. I understand all this, and I see now how I probably needed this isolation from all things familiar to learn to let my husband have that role in my life. It's taken the difficult times to build this strong foundation. We are about to move back to Texas, close to family, close to our friends. And while neither of us can WAIT any longer, we can't wait to spend time with these people again, we know now how to put each other first. We value putting each other first, and I'm confident this foundation can't be shaken.

Post Wedding Blues? Part One

The past several days the sun has been shining, it's been warming up (the lake has finally completely thawed), and I feel like a whole new refreshed person. It's amazing that a little warmth and sunshine can completely boost your mood! It's got me to thinking a bit, and it's led to some interesting conversations between me and the Mr.

::warning - very real emotion ahead::

Just a few short weeks after our honeymoon, reality began to set in for me. I had permanently just moved to another country, I left everything familiar behind, traded warmth and sunshine for cold and snow. And rather than the blissful season of being a newlywed, I began to go through depression. It was an awful, unexplainable, and confusing time. So I got off birth control, I was convinced it was the source of my depression (and I still believe it was partly to blame), and within a few days I felt like myself again. But not for long.

At the end of December Rob and I flew to Georgia for my best friend's wedding. It was warm, we were with friends again, it was wonderful. After returning, depression began to hit me again. It's something I have to work through often. Many tears have been shed, many times I've been on my knees crying out to God, and there are many moments each day that I choose to say "Satan, you will not win today!"

So the spike in my mood these warm sunny days has definitely caused me to do some thinking. Would our situation have been different had we not been in podunk Lindsay? What if we had all these things figured out concerning the future before we got married, would I have gone through depression had we been in Texas right away? Part of me thinks I wouldn't have, and yet another part of me knows this is what God knew was best for us. These trials, the uncertainty, the difficulty, the lonliness, has brought us SO CLOSE to each other, and deepened our relationship with God in ways that the easy road could not have done.

When Plan B becomes Plan A

I could name this post so many things; "Thoughts on Being Pregnant"; "Expecting the Unexpected"; "My Plans vs. God's Plans"; etc. They all seem to fit perfectly.

Never did I imagine dating, falling in love with, and marrying a Canadian. Never did I imagine getting married at 21. Never did I imagine moving to Canada, away from all of my family. Never did I imagine getting pregnant after just 3 months of marriage either.

You see I had it all planned out. Go to the Honor Academy for a year or two, go to Nashville, go to college, get a degree in music business, get settled in a career, meet a man in the music business, get married, have kids after a few years.

It's been one unexpected change after another. Sometimes it's frightening, when you can't see ANY of the road ahead, and all you have is God's word that He has good plans. But everything that's been unexpected up to this point, has been the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I'm SO glad I'm not going to college in Nashville right now. There would be no Rob in my life, none of the thrills I've experienced living in a different country with him. So what, we got pregnant, well, a few years earlier than planned, but this is what happens when God takes over my own plans. I've heard from people we should have slowed down, enjoyed life with just the two of us, you'll never get this time back. Well, tell that one to God. I'm not the one in charge here :-) It's amazing how in just two little weeks, my entire opinion, attitude, and outlook on this thing has totally changed.

I knew I was called to be a mom, at least one day. It's what I wanted. So here's how I look at it: when God reveals a calling to someone, say for a man to be a musician, what is that man going to do? He's gonna go after that calling! He's going to perfect his instrument, he's going to look for places to play, he's going to try and organize a band, record a demo, and do everything in his power to walk out in the calling God's placed on him. He's not going to sit around doing nothing, hoping this whole musician thing will work itself out. What a blessing that I've been called to be a mom, God has CHOSEN me and Rob to raise this child He is forming in me. It's a miracle, it's a privilege, it's a blessing. I'm so glad that God's plans are better than my plans.

If every unexpected thing in my life up to this point has been the greatest blessing, I can only imagine that this little unexpected baby is going to be the greatest joy I could ever imagine.

Top 10 Summary of 2010

This time a year ago I never could have imagined all that God would do in the year 2010. This exact time last year I was headed back to the HA, absolutely not wanting to go back. I had just said goodbye to Rob again and was facing a 3 months separation from him (I have so much compassion for military families - I truly do not know how they do it and respect them so much for such sacrifice). I say all the things below to bring honor to God; I'm amazed looking back at this year at all that He allowed me to do. A huge message I carried to the girls I was a house director for was making the most of the time we have. I didn't want to sit around missing Rob all the time and looking forward to the next thing. There will always be a "next thing" to look forward to, but I challenged them, and myself, to make the most of each day. And praise God for the grace he gave, and the beautiful memories I carry in my heart now as a result of it.

So my top 10 summary of 2010:

1. Worked for Dave Hasz...enough said :-)

2. Started off the year with a 90 day bible reading plan

3. Completed the Dallas Half Marathon

4. Two weeks later, completed the Oklahoma City Half Marathon

5. Finished my first year of college

6. Got engaged on June 12th

7. Got to be a part of 9 amazing women's lives at the Honor Academy

8. Graduated and left the Honor Academy after 3 years

9. Moved to Canada on August 30th

10. Married the love of my life on November 13th

I truly can't believe all that happened last year. It was incredible, it was blissful, it was extremely difficult and challenging, but it was the best! Tough times and trials are a part of life, a part of the growing process in our walks with God, but I trust God's word that He has good plans for our lives. That said - I can't even fathom what's in store for 2011 :-)